I'm being irresponsible and lazy. And self-pitying.

"For as long as I can remember, I have taken my academic career seriously. Even at a young age, I never expected my parents to help me with my homework because I knew that it was my job to finish it. As I grew older, I almost always chose to work on homework over going to a friend’s house, if given the choice (ignore the negative repercussions this had on my social life). Through high school, I never once fell asleep during class, which must be some kind of record.

I’m not sure what is happening to me, but my strict academic self-discipline almost disappeared when I made some friends at BYU. For the first time in my life, I am making compromises that hurt my ability to learn, and I have the test scores to prove it. After a month of unrelenting use, my American Heritage book sits in a pile of other neglected texts. My Calculus test is approaching and I still have two homework assignments to finish. I have even tragically soiled my once-pristine record of sleeping in class.

In an email sent to everyone in our class, my American Heritage professor offered words of encouragement, reassuring us—or me, at least—that it isn’t too late to turn around disappointing grades. With a midterm in that class and tests in Calculus and Music this week, this seems as good a time as any to make a conscious decision to perform better in school. I know that I don’t need to stay up late every night. I know that I don’t need to go out with my friends every night (in fact, I know that I need to not go out with my friends every night). I know that I can do better, that I can study harder."

I wrote that for an English assignment one week ago. So far, I've mostly failed to make better choices as far as school is concerned. I feel like I'm so far behind in most of my classes that things are hopeless. I know it isn't true, but it's hard to ignore that thought.

I'm suffering through an irritating illness. My entire head feels congested, like there's an extra something between my skin and my insides. Hopefully it clears up fast, because getting sick in college isn't nearly as much fun as getting sick in high school.